In August, I found myself having conversations with different moms who were caught in an in-between moment. Some were sending their kids off to college and reflecting on the homeschooling experiences that led them to the present moment. Others were transitioning to a new season or a change in how they’d been homeschooling. They were excited about the future but also slightly nervous that what they had done thus far wasn’t “enough.” I also found myself talking to teens who had recently graduated from high school (homeschool or otherwise). They were reflective about how much they had grown, realistic about the things that still challenged them, and simultaneously apprehensive and excited about the future.
All of these conversations got me thinking about our tendency to look back as we move ahead. I didn’t see the reflective stance the moms and teens took negatively at all, like an effort to self-sabotage or riddled with fear or worry. Instead, I recognized in their words the importance of taking time to review our past experiences with self-awareness and deep thought, and how necessary it is for our learning and growth.
Earlier this year, I wrote here about how slowing down helps us to be more reflective of our experiences. It creates space between a moment and our response, asking us to wait just long enough to consider what’s happening, including things we may not have noticed before. Slowing down to reflect for the sake of attentiveness (rather than analysis) can accompany our learning experiences in a way that speed, or a constant rush to finish, doesn’t always allow.
The ability to self-reflect is something I have intentionally tried to help my learners develop. Why? Because it helps them trace their own learning journeys and make meaning from what they notice. It helps them realize that their understanding (of all sorts of things) and their overall development are part of a gradual process. As they look back and reflect, they make meaning and move forward. And essentially, they grow.
Self-reflection as a practice has the power to transform how our children see themselves as learners. But it also helps us as parents adjust how we guide them and celebrate their unfolding process. Too often, we think of progress as something we can only measure from the outside through things like grades, tests, checklists, benchmarks, milestones, or some other version of a neatly packaged marker of advancement. But some progress isn’t always visible in a single moment. Instead, it can be more layered and complex in a way that’s revealed through reflection.
When my children learn to look back on their experiences, I hope to help them see the patterns, stories, and significance in all of the random, fleeting moments of their lives. Reflection helps them understand not just what they learned, but who they are becoming in the process.
In Chapter 8 of my book, The Joy of Slow, I offer suggestions on how to walk children through a process of periodically self-reflecting and capturing their words as a way to document ongoing progress.
For right now, I want to offer another observation and connection I made as I was looking over my child’s geometry work (I know, slightly strange thoughts to have while doing math…I have no explanation other than these connections tend to strike me at random times).
First, as I know not everyone is currently sitting at home thinking about geometric operations, I’ll tell you that a reflection in geometry is “a transformation of a figure in which each point is replaced by a point symmetric with respect to a line or plane.” (online search definition). This concept just might be the perfect metaphor for how we as parents can process our experiences and continue to intentionally build reflection into our daily, weekly, or monthly practices until it becomes routine. I’ll explain…
In geometry, a reflection cannot happen without a fixed axis or plane to reflect across. As we self-reflect, that “plane” might represent our core values, beliefs, or past experiences. In other words, when we ponder something, we’re often bouncing it against our internal axis to see how it aligns with who we are. Taking inventory of our personal values is never a waste of time. Making meaning of our experiences always involves trying to understand how they align with our personal whys and values. When we discover that things aren’t aligned, we can shift and adjust ourselves accordingly.
Ok, now consider this. In geometry, when a reflection happens across a line, each point is replaced by its symmetric counterpart through a thorough, systematic transformation. You see, true reflection isn’t superficial. It requires us to examine the details, assumptions, and emotions of an event. We take the original experience and intentionally flip it to view it from another perspective (perhaps even the exact opposite angle), replacing our initial, impulsive reaction with a measured, inverted outlook. We obviously can’t do this for every single one of our homeschooling experiences, but how powerful could this be if we made this a regular practice for even some?
Finally, geometric symmetry of a reflection means that both the original and the reflected point are of equal distance from the center line. Metaphorically, for self-reflection, we can say that we sometimes need distance as well. Both emotional distance and objective balance are required at times because the distance we create can help us to see the experience clearly without losing its original weight. In addition, the objective balance we maintain can help ensure our final insights remain proportional to the reality of what happened. I find this is especially important when it comes to reflecting on experiences that were particularly challenging or intense at the time they occurred.
Ultimately, in the same way that a reflection in geometry preserves a figure’s size and shape while changing its orientation, the act of mental reflection preserves our experiences for what they were while potentially transforming how we understand them. I maintain that reflection is an authentic, valid way of knowing, that we can use as a resource for our own growth and our children’s, if we support them in reflecting alongside us.
No need to bore your children with the geometric connection I was inspired by here (Congratulations if you’re still reading and didn’t get bored yourself!) Here is some quick advice on ways to help nurture a reflective habit with your children:
- Ask your children open-ended questions and record what they say.
- Focus on their feelings about particular experiences and their growth, not just on the results they achieved.
- Model reflection out loud. Let them hear you do it for yourself.
- Connect what you’re learning today to things that you learned, or that happened in the past.
- Write or record your reflections together.
Remember that learning is a lifelong dialogue between what we’ve done, what we’re doing, and who we’re becoming. The more we embody this, the more we can help our children understand it too.
