In January 2010 I began my breastfeeding journey with my precious daughter. We had a bond like I had never known. She was a boob snob who never, EVER took a bottle. And although it was overwhelming at times, knowing that I alone was responsible for her nourishment, she taught me so much through the process. Supplemental Nursing Systems (SNS), overactive letdowns, breast preference, nursing strikes, oversupply, under-supply, nursing on demand, reverse cycling, night weaning, nursing while babywearing, nursing gymnastics…these were all things with which we became well acquainted. I had no idea it was an experience that I would treasure and not quite get to enjoy again – at least not in the same way.
When my older son was born in May of 2012, I remember the disappointment and frustration I felt after learning about his oral motor issues. But I still remained determined for him to receive breast milk. So although he nursed directly at the breast for a very short amount of time, I exclusively pumped for him for 15 months. During that time I had an oversupply that allowed me to donate about half of what I was producing to an organization called Get Pumped (a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing breast milk to babies in Central Florida who, due to extraordinary circumstances, cannot be nursed by their biological mothers). I remember joking that I had enough for twins! Oddly enough it was that experience that gave me the confidence to know that I COULD nurse twins.
Enter the birth of my own twins in May of 2014. After the experience with my older son I never wanted to see a breast pump again. I was hopeful about going back to the glory days, with babe at breast. And then, what I had secretly feared most happened again. This time the oral motor issues of these two tiny babies were worse than those of their older brother. I knew what I had to do. I graduated to a hospital grade double electric breast pump and I began to build my supply for two babies with the pump alone.
People thought I was crazy. The demands of recovering from one vaginal delivery, one emergency C-section, dealing with postpartum depression, caring for two newborn babies, a two year old and a four year old, homeschooling, and just….life – on top of pumping 10 times a day at first – was grueling. It was HARD. Leaving the house was almost comical. I had so many bags!!! There was so much equipment to drag around (i.e. breast pump, pump parts, bottles and coolers). But breastfeeding is one of those things that I’m apparently stubborn about so we plodded along. Even after a difficult, recurring bout of plugged milk ducts and other extremely stressful circumstances that affected my supply, it was exactly one year that I was able to exclusively pump for twins. That was my goal and I was so elated that I made it.
Shortly after I stopped, there was still that guilt that reminded me that my daughter’s journey at the breast was marked by years and my sons’ by a lot less time. But I really did give it my best and now, I have no regrets. As I put the pump away and ended that chapter I remember crying such bittersweet tears. I hope to continue to share the wisdom I gained throughout my journey with many more women and to be an encouragement to anyone I meet who finds themselves struggling to make things work.
