Last year I had the pleasure of speaking at an annual dinner for homeschooling parents. It meant so much to be able to look at these parents in the eyes, and to encourage them in their educational journeys. This year, I am returning to the same event to speak and as I began to prepare, I was going over some notes from last year and feeling so encouraged myself. I decided to share this because I am hoping that there are even more people who will read this and be inspired to evaluate their own ideas about teaching and learning and to see children in a way that honors their strengths. The following is an edited transcription of my words.
I am a homeschooling mom to four awesome children. I am often asked what led us to choose homeschooling for our family. So I thought I’d start by telling you a little bit about that.
Once upon a time (though not that long ago) I was a school teacher. I lived in New York City and worked at the most magical little school in the heart of East Harlem. It was a very small public school where children were allowed to be children. They made choices about their own learning and they were trusted and respected by the adults around them. Teachers valued play, deep and authentic work, and really knowing and understanding the whole child.
Not only did I think that this place was magical for the children who went there, but I knew that it was a magical place for me as well. It was a type of learning/work environment in which I thrived as a teacher.
After moving to another state, finding a similar school where I could work and be happy was not so easy. I decided to pursue my Pilates teaching instead (I am also a Pilates instructor), but it was from then that I knew deep down that I wanted to homeschool my own children, and to create the type of learning environment for which I was searching.
The ultimate extension of this was to make this type of environment a way of life – a way to do life with my family where we value knowing ourselves and each other, value each other’s work, and who we are as demonstrated through this work.
Although we have probably since added to the list of reasons why we homeschool, this is how I initially came to the decision. Homeschooling has been a really fun, rewarding journey for us. We have all grown so much in the process. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some days that are hard.
I think we can all agree that – former public school teacher or not, new homeschool parent or not, seasoned homeschool parent or not, our homeschooling days are not devoid of challenges. I think that these challenges often stem from the tension of having to reconcile our fundamental values about what kind of learning experience we want for our children with what is actually happening in our homeschool lives.
For example, you might think that with my teaching experience in a very ideal school environment, I would not lack confidence when it came to homeschooling. But you know what? You would be wrong.
The questions from well meaning family members (Is she doing multiplication yet?), the comments from friends whose children are in public school (He has 20 spelling words every week and can read this many words in a minute)…all can make you question yourself and what you are doing.
You might question whether or not you are doing the right thing – whether or not you are teaching or NOT teaching the right things. It constantly forces me to go back and reassess my values (which in the end is probably a good thing).
The doubts are temporary but the values will carry you for the long haul. My encouragement to myself and to all of you is to TRUST. Trust what? Well firstly, trust your children.
So I broke this down into five ways we can think about TRUST.
- Trust that your children, at every age are full of wonder and curiosity.
Laura Grace Weldon, in her book Free Range Learning, writes that, “Left to their own devices, children act quite a bit like geniuses.”
In one five minute span, my son will often ask a range of questions like:
Mommy, are lizard tongues soft?
Mommy, how does lightning happen?
Mommy, how do you count to infinity?
Mommy, how does your body get vitamins from food?
Mommy how do the muscles attach to bones?
Sometimes when kids first leave a public school setting, and begin homeschooling, they need time to just be. To live, to breathe, to exist, to not have to wake up early, and to figure out what their interests even are. Because perhaps those interests have been repressed or forgotten. But rest assured, the wonder and the curiosity are there.
- Trust that they have many strengths that do not cease to exist simply because they are not all manifesting simultaneously.
Did anyone ever hear the the story of Thomas Edison that was spread around social media? There are parts of it that are true but for the most part it is fictionalized account. In any case, it’s a good story.
It goes something like this:
One day, as a young child, Thomas Edison came home with a note from his teacher that he said only his mother was to read. He gave it to his mother and as she read it, her eyes welled up with tears. He asked, “What does it say?” And she told him it said, “Your son is a genius. This school is too small for him and doesn’t have good enough teachers to train him. Please teach him yourself.” And so she did, until she became ill and passed away.
He went on to become a well renowned inventor. Many years later, while going through his mother’s things, he found the folded letter that his teacher wrote. He opened it up. It said, “Your child is mentally deficient. We cannot let him attend our school anymore. He is expelled.” His eyes welled up with tears and he wrote in his journal, “Thomas A. Edison was a mentally deficient child whose mother turned him into the genius of the Century.”
I am certain that his mother saw strengths in him that his teachers did not see. And more importantly, I am certain, that when she could not see these strengths herself, she trusted that they were still there.
- Trust that achievement is not uniform, across all subject areas, and that, that is ok.
My kids are constantly asked by others what grade they are in. At first they would turn to me with a helpless face that said, “Help me answer this!” Then they would just simply tell people the expected grade according to their age. Now my daughter tells people what grade she thinks she’s in based on a whole bunch of factors that we’ve discussed at length.
I recently realized how uncomfortable the question makes me. My kids are now probably fine with the question, and for me, I understand why people are asking. It’s an identifier, a way of understanding a child’s age in relation to school. But it is an uncomfortable question because it is also so arbitrary and meaningless in the life of a homeschooler.
There is a freedom in not having to conform to certain standards. It really is completely normal if your 6 year old is reading the same books that the 4th grade neighbor is reading and at the same time, struggling through problems from a 1st grade math book that you bought at the thrift store. We are all just learners, aren’t we? And it doesn’t really matter where along the continuum we fall.
4.Trust that learning is happening all the time and not just as a result of direct instruction.
We as human beings have a capacity for learning that is immense and varied. We learn through physical activity, through play, through passive observation, through relationship, through the work of the hands…
I always say that homeschool is life. It is not disconnected from our lives. So we can garden, cook, and spend time outdoors and I know that all the while we are all still learning.
Last year by daughter started to draw and paint nature scenes. One day, we looked through her drawings and paintings for themes that emerged and she realized that she was really interested in birds. There was a lot she felt she already knew and still many things she still wanted to know.
The next day, we discovered a bird nest in the potted plant right outside our front door and it was nature’s gift in the perfect place at the perfect time. She could observe bird life in an up close way.
From there, she began to set up bird feeders and bird watch for hours at a time. She devoured books about birds and was fascinated by the Audubon Center for Birds of Prey.
She built bird houses, sourcing her own wood and learning to use wood tools in the process. She made clay birds and bird nests. She got really good at sculpting birds. She wrote stories about birds.
She drew all kinds of different birds. She asked a teenager who is a really good artist to teach her how to draw birds more realistically. She did this for an hour, once a week for six weeks.
By the end of the year she had become our resident bird expert. She made the choices about what she wanted to do and how. She set her own goals and managed the direction of her work.
She was driven by her own interests while she smelled the outdoors; driven by her own interests while she heard the bird songs; driven by her own interests while she saw the birds flying; and driven by her own interests as she touched the baby bird that tried to fly and didn’t make it.
There was a connection to what she was learning in her senses and through her emotions. I am sure that if she was simply a passive recipient of “information about birds,” she would not have retained nearly as much.
- Trust that you can take the time to create the kind of nurturing environment that honors play, your child’s interests, and a holistic, slower pace to life.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish everything on OUR agenda, that we become the home version of 40 minute school-style classes. All that’s missing is the bell going off as we power through our to do list of subjects.
Can you remember a time when you learned something new or when doing or seeing something sparked an interest that excited you? Perhaps it was painting, or planting a garden, building a piece of furniture, or learning to play the guitar.
When you realized how much this particular thing resonated with you, what did you do? Did you decide to pursue the interest further? If you did, you probably learned so much in the process, about yourself and about your area of interest. Children are no different.
There are probably a myriad of things with which they (and all of us) could potentially fall in love. When they are genuinely interested in something they are learning, there is the potential for the depth and breadth of their knowledge to be great. So, children need time, materials and guidance to develop these interests.
I want to leave you with this quote – this is again from Laura Grace Weldon’s book Free Range Learning:
“As homeschooling parents we can take into account individual learning styles, innate skills and interests to bring out the best in each child without being restricted by the dictates of any institution.
We can educate as easily as we breathe simply by remaining fully present to our children’s questions and enthusiasms.
The homeschooling child’s life is filled with conversation, music, play, stories, struggles and overcoming struggles, chores, laughter and the excitement of examining in depth any of the rich wells of knowledge that humanity has to offer.”
So be encouraged that you have made the right choice. Trust your intuition about your children’s needs. Open your eyes to see the learning that happens beyond the academics. Trust your children to show you. And be prepared to watch them blossom and grow in beautiful, profound ways.
Happy homeschooling!
