In December, our family got a dog. Slow winter rhythms brought much-needed rest, sweet moments of togetherness, and expansion in everyone’s heart for this new addition to our family. If that was the end of the story, it still would be a great one. We surprised the kids on Christmas Eve and they were filled with gratitude and completely overwhelmed with emotion. When I re-watch the video of them walking through the door to find the dog, I become emotional myself. It was really such a beautiful scene.
But here’s the thing, we didn’t just get a dog. It’s now a few months after her initial arrival and since that time, I have seen a deepening of one child’s work, work that has been evolving for quite some time now.
I can often be heard discussing Project-based Homeschooling and Project Time but I often find it difficult to adequately use language to do so. “Project Time” is a bit of a misnomer because those words don’t quite capture all that falls under its umbrella. For starters, younger children may be simply doing work that they choose (rather than a defined “project”), but it’s developmentally appropriate for them to stay with that choice for less time than an older child might. It usually isn’t until kids are older, that they are ready to seize opportunities for in-depth study, or a chance to know something really well.
Sometimes “project” implies that there’s a definite start and ending place. However, this work is a little too messy for that. You can’t always package it in a pretty little box. It will look completely different depending on who your kids are, and what their interests are. This new dog of ours, and my daughter’s attached work and passion, are prime examples of this idea. It would be difficult to pinpoint exactly when her interest began. But I thought that I would offer you, as much as I can, a picture of how project work can develop and change.
My daughter has always loved animals, specifically dogs. For many years, she and her siblings would ask us to get one for a pet. About five years ago, my daughter had an opportunity to visit a local service dog facility where she learned all about how these incredible dogs worked to help adults, children, and veterans with disabilities live more independent lives. She learned about various settings where canines were used for therapy and companionship. To say she fell in love would be an understatement.
She spent so much of her free time dedicated to learning about dogs and their temperaments. I remember at one point being surprised by the great deal of information she would rattle off about breeds that we would randomly pass on the street. She endlessly researched all aspects of the field of dog training, including the dogs, their handlers, techniques, and the service dog industry. It was a growing love and fascination for these animals to which she was drawn.
Her top-secret dog training journal.
Years went by. Yes, years. That fascination did not wane. That doesn’t mean she consistently engaged with her interest daily. In fact, it might have been easy to forget that this work was developing amidst other projects and passions along the way.
One particular week, my daughter wanted to spend her Project Times watching an endless amount of dog training videos and documentaries. She had recently devoured two dog training books gifted to her by a loving family member who was trying to support her interest. One day, I made a comment about not really understanding how she was using her time. Forgetting about the messy nature of how work can sometimes develop (It’s not always in a direct path. Instead, the route can be meandering and seem haphazard or indirect), I began to question her choice to do something I incorrectly perceived as a waste of her time.
She confidently and articulately explained to me how her personal work was a long-term project involving an interest she had been passionate about for a while. She even connected the video and documentary watching to the experience she had had visiting that service dog facility years before. She was connecting it all. She helped me understand what she was learning by watching these programs and how she planned to use the information.
Fast forward to today where my daughter now attends weekly dog training classes with our dog. She trains her daily at home and has made wonderful connections with adults who work in this field. They have been great mentors and guides as they have encouraged her to pursue related experiences. She volunteers at major dog training events and has plans to also volunteer with local dog rescues. She works with other dogs besides ours whenever she can, including basic care and training.
At the dog training facility.
Teaching our dog to find something she buried.
I am so proud of all that she has accomplished and learned throughout this process. One of the most important pieces of this learning has been what she has learned about herself. It would be impossible to have a long-lasting curiosity about something without also becoming more aware of yourself alongside its development. You realize things like:
- What your own willingness is to experiment with the things you think you like. How far are you willing to go?
- How motivated you are to learn about a field, about a particular body of knowledge, or about things related to a topic.
- How you respond to disappointment and obstacles and ways to pivot and yet still maintain interest.
- Ways of managing your own expectations.
- The need to develop your own standards for the work you are doing.
So you see, we didn’t just get a dog. The desire for a dog was so deeply tied to my daughter’s personal passions and independent pursuits, that it became quite difficult not to support her in this way. It all reminded me of how we as adults respond when our children attempt to do work with lofty goals in mind, or when they have plans for their work that include us in more ways than we anticipated. Maybe you can relate? Like when they want to use expensive materials, or they want to do or make something that requires specialized machinery, or their interest involves your gas, your money, your time, or your commitment?
Some of us just say, “No!” and move on with our lives. Others of us simply say, “Yes!” for fear of bringing disappointment or being met with anger or worse, from our children. But I do believe that there is value in working through these things as a family. We can mentor our kids through these moments by trying to help them understand why our instinct might be to say no, or not now. We can work together with them to find solutions with which everyone is comfortable. We can support them as they direct their lofty plans toward manageable goals and equally satisfying activities.
Real life is not always about instant yeses. As a family and as people connected to people, the things that we do and the choices that we make have an effect on one another. It’s impossible to pursue learning and growth in a vacuum. Regardless of the outcome, all of the agreements, disagreements, and conversations the family has around a child’s ambitions are vital to the work that is being done. That is because they support the building of connection and relationship among people who do work together.
Lori Pickert, author of Project-Based Homeschooling wrote, “Rather than feeling overwhelmed by attempting to pull off the perfect project or learning experience, we focus on edging closer to a project-oriented practice.”
This work, the deeper connection to one another as we become more visible and known, the self-awareness and growth…these are the practices to which we aim to inch closer right alongside our interests. This is a family culture of creating space where all of us are free to do meaningful work.
Recently on a day that my daughter was leaving the house to go to the dog training facility, she said to me, “Mommy, I’m so happy that this is part of what school is. I love getting to decide what I want school to be about.” Essentially, she has become aware of her own agency.
